Teacher (to another student): ‘What is your name?’.
Student: ‘My name is Beautiful Red Underwear’
Teacher: ‘What kind of a name is this? Don’t joke tell me the right name’
Student: ‘My name is Sunder Lal Chadda.”

Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhiji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.

Teacher: What is the full form of maths?
Student: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE.

Teacher: Because of Gandhiji’s hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Student: A holiday

Teacher: How old is your father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born.

Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg…Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

Teacher: Bunty, Why you Absent on yesterday?
Bunty: I was suffering from Bird Flu
Teacher: Bird Flu? Don’t cheat me, It only spread within Chickens.
Bunty: Yes, I know. I got this virus as each and every day you punished me as “MURGA” (chicken).

Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and started shouting: “Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya “.

Thakur [with anger]: “Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai.”

Kaalia: “Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?”

Thakur: “Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai.”

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.

Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: “Ha ha… thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate.”

Veeru shouts: “Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain,Kuch bhi kar sakte hain.”

Jay hits his keyboard,then says: “jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya .”

AT GABBAR’S DEN…

Gabbar: “Kitne bugs the?”
Kaalia: “Do sarkaar.”

Gabbar: “Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega …aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi… barobar milegi.”

[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. “Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?”

Sambaa: “Chhey sarkaar.”

Gabbar: “Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai.” [logout - logout - logout].

“Haan ab theek hai… ab tera kya hoga”

Kaalia?”

Kaalia: “Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha.”
Gabbar: “To ab documentation kar!

Few methods to Catch the LION.

Newton’s Method:

Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.http://forum.santabanta.com/images/smilies/smartyjune07/297banghead.gif

Implies you caught lion.

Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.

Now you can trap it easily.

Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.

If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Police Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .

Rajnikanth Method:

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.

The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it’s sleeping!

Manirathnam (director) Method:

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears.

The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

Karan Johar (director) Method:

Send a lioness into the forest.

Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.

Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.

First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.

But 2nd lioness loves both lions.

Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.

You don’t understand right… ok….read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

The lion, too, will get confused and die out of confusion only.

Yash Chopra (director) Method:

Take the lion to Australia or US or Turkey.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

Govinda Method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. The Lion will drop dead just watching!

Menaka Gandhi Method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

George Bush Method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

Ravi Shastri / Rahul Dravid Method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u.

U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run

Lion tires and surrenders.

———————————

Raju & raju sat on the board
Raju & raju had a great fall
Balance sheet died
Shareholders cried
Raju & raju made a big fraud

———————————

S-Stealing
A-And
T-Transferring
Y-Your
A-All
M-Money